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Good Luck Mr. Gorky
July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil
Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
His first words after stepping on the moon, 'that's one small step for
man, one giant leap for mankind,' were televised to earth and heard by
millions.
But just before he reentered the lander, he made the
enigmatic remark 'good luck, Mr. Gorky.'
Many people at NASA though it was a casual remark concerning some rival soviet
cosmonaut.
However, upon checking, there was no Gorky in either
the Russ ian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the 'good luck,Mr. Gorky'...
statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995, inTampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a
speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong.
This time he finally responded.
Mr. Gorky had died, so Neil
Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
In 1938 when he was a kid in a small mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a
friend in the backyard.
His friend hit the ball, which landed
in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows.
His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball,
young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorky shouting at Mr. Gorky.
'Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the
moon!'
True story.
veto
G-Ville, USA - Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 19:49:00 (PDT)
Stumptown is better than ever. The staff is awsome and the food is great. Come in on Sundays around 3pm and enjoy some of the best local bands on their beautiful huge new deck overlooking the river. There's no cover. How can you beat that. Peter brews some of the best beer in Northern Cali. Try his Rat Bastard IPA with their kitchens signiture dish of house smoked pulled pork sandwich. Dont forget about the special board. The Brie Plate and Ceviche is unbelievable. Dont miss the chance to experience this unique spot on your next visit to the beautiful Russian River.
Norcaliriverboy (he he Dianna, guess who?)
Stumptown, Ca USA - Friday, July 11, 2008 at 23:18:43 (PDT)
plan on stopping by for a Pint. Hope it's good and Cold !!!
Pete
Collierville, TN USA - Thursday, July 03, 2008 at 12:15:33 (PDT)
Hey Eli!! Run Eli RRUUNN!!
veto
Guerneville, USA - Monday, June 23, 2008 at 17:35:27 (PDT)
Will be visiting on July 12 from funky-ass Baltimore. Can't wait. See ya soon.
Quote-o-the-day:
"My nose is so stuffy that I can't smell my fingers" - My beloved son at age 7
Ken
Baltimore, MD USA - Thursday, June 19, 2008 at 03:58:17 (PDT)
I miss you crazy bastards and the liberating sound of a cow bell ringing. Drink a beer for me- I'm thirsty just thinking about a pint beer on the patio. Safety first.
Canada Eli
Lake of the Woods, On Canada - Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 05:30:20 (PDT)
Thanks Rachael! Jason didn't see it com'in!!!!hhahahhha
Josh S
Windsor, Ca USA - Sunday, January 13, 2008 at 20:07:10 (PST)
STUMPTOWN ROCKS. LOVE THE NEW WI-FI!!!
Geekgirl
G-Town, CA USA - Tuesday, December 18, 2007 at 13:45:43 (PST)
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,
"Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!
We hope this clears up any confusion, "A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose."
veto
USA - Friday, June 01, 2007 at 19:34:11 (PDT)
yesterday i got really drunk and then floated home in my innertube. i forgot my smokes were in my pocket and they got wet.
i like that i don't have to drive home when drinking here.
i just put my innertube in the river and float home.
one time i passed out though and woke up in duncans mills.
=(
johnny
guerneville, ca USA - Thursday, May 24, 2007 at 14:53:48 (PDT)
BBQ and BEER!!! MORE INFO NOW Ya Rat Bastards!!!
Starchile
San Leandro, CA USA - Wednesday, May 23, 2007 at 13:38:28 (PDT)
We had to go all the way to California WINE COUNTRY for real beer... any chance you'll franchise (to Florida)? You guys rock!!!
Scubapuppies
St. Pete Beach , FL USA - Thursday, March 29, 2007 at 14:33:52 (PDT)
Subject: Fw: Hell Explained
HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a Washington
State University chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, viathe Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure ofenjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs oftheir beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in
time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving intoHell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we cansafely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are
entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in theworld today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at
which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will dropuntil Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by
Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day inHell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that Islept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. Thecorollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, itfollows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa keptshouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A" .
veyo
g-ville, USA - Saturday, January 27, 2007 at 08:24:28 (PST)
"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
-W.C. Fields
"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
-Homer Simpson
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
-Humphrey Bogart
"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
-Winston Churchill
"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."
-Deep Thought, Jack Handy
"Everybody has to believe in something.....I believe I'll have another drink."
-W.C. Fields
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
-Benjamin Franklin
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
-Ernest Hemmingway
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
-Dean Martin
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
-Frank Sinatra
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
-Henny Youngman
"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."
-Catherine Zandonella
"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
-Frank Zappa
J
Rio, CA USA - Wednesday, November 08, 2006 at 18:22:45 (PST)
Contrary to popular belief I WAS wearing panties under those mini's.
me
miss g-ville, ca USA - Saturday, November 04, 2006 at 14:46:33 (PST)
What a great place! It's full of interesting people (Jim,Montana and Nick to name a few) great Beer (Boney finger...yum!) and lots of fun.
Donna
Vacaville, CA USA - Monday, October 23, 2006 at 12:46:53 (PDT)
What a great event you have organized!
I had a great time and will be back in the future with friends.
Thanks.
Tom
Duncan's Mills, Ca USA - Thursday, August 24, 2006 at 11:22:54 (PDT)
This is a link to a photo gallery from the Russian River Beer Revival - we had an awewome time!!!
www.pbase.com/steve1h/johnny_hiland
Steve
Sacramento, Ca USA - Thursday, August 24, 2006 at 11:18:49 (PDT)
The smell of a musty pool table and hops of new brews.
The red tint of light in the safe darkness of sarcastic jabs and laughter.
Grey layers of dust gently rest upon braziers that once touched nipples of
past patrons.
Crispy photos with curled edges of moments documented.
Pounding of glass 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 as pints with tiny reminisce of the latest
craze swirls with a brown hew of an herbal concoction.
Do not ask the bartender for a cool glass of tap or you may be jeered and
reprimanded.
Smiling lips untouched by gloss cradle the purple teeth of organic women
sipping a $3.50 glass of fermented grapes.
The fine soil of the river banks cake the wet fur of panting pups waiting
cheerfully for their best friend to take the last swig of brew.
Bellowing of smoke on the patio and smothering shells of butts that had
earlier played the part in passionate conversations of politics and beliefs.
This is where you find a head on your beer, cigs for sale and the best damn
burgers in town.
This is Stumptown Brewery.
D-
Justanother Bartender
Everywhere, USA - Monday, August 07, 2006 at 12:47:07 (PDT)
Stumptown Brewery, The best bar in the world! Blue Gringo Forever!
Bryan Cooper
Fremont, ca USA - Saturday, February 25, 2006 at 12:30:15 (PST)
Those are the best Chuck Norris jokes ever.
Greg
Colfax, CA USA - Friday, January 06, 2006 at 00:16:20 (PST)
Stumptown ist ein name (jargon) für eine alte loggenstadt (Stumpfstadt).
Hallo Stumptown, leider kann ich zu wenig englisch um mich zu verständigen, ich hoffe ihr könnt das übersetzen. Wie ihr seht heisse ich wie eure Stadt, das ist kein Scherz. Vielleicht sind meine Urahnen nach Amerika ausgewandert und haben sich bei euch niedergelassen, wer weiss. Da ich zu wenig englisch beherrsche, kann ich aus dem Text nicht ausfindig machen wie die Stadt zu dem Namen kam. Könntet ihr eine Erklärung auf deutsch hinzufügen, in der Schweiz gibts viele Stumps.
I wish you a happy new Year an good Luck
Fabio Stump
Fabio Stump
Felben, CH TG - Thursday, January 05, 2006 at 09:24:50 (PST)
If a cow laughs, does milk come out her nose?
Michele
Guerneville, CA USA - Saturday, December 31, 2005 at 03:45:10 (PST)
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die
from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his
back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris
instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly
thereafter he grew a beard.
4. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
5. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop
the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with
his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
6. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a
woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
7. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
8. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked
15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that,
Lance Armstrong.
9. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise,"
and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
10. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the
gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.
11. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No fat Chicks.
12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving,
Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five
minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When
his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the
face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
13. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
yelling, "Bang!"
14. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles".
Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
15. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
16. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her
and saying "booya".
17. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to
roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
18. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is
injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is,
of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the
fatality rate of the actors he fights.
19. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take
yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
20. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows
clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show
clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
21. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
22. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you
and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are
black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the
shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
23. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes,
just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
24. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact
that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
25. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't
give him exact change.
26. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
27. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see
Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
28. Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for
children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck
Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and
roundhouse kicks them in the face.
29. If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3
at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
30. Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse,
he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up
upon impact.
31. Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
32. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
33. Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a total gym.
34. Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once
asked him which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a total gym.
35. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed
octopus of eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within
3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the
feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
FeeDawg Knight
Forestville, CA USA - Friday, December 30, 2005 at 12:13:25 (PST)
The updates are awesome! You are my lifeline through nasty weather, and you distract me from the worry when I need it most.
My fingers are crossed that this week is just a wake up call for those of us who use the lower part of the house for storing crap we want.
I have gone to higher ground with my dogs, but will consider coming back to town for a beer if you're cooking tonight...it'll be worth the trip.
See you at 6!
G-ville Mom
USA - Thursday, December 29, 2005 at 09:01:45 (PST)
If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around to shake off the ticks, do not do it!
IT IS A SCAM.
They only want to see you naked. I wish I'd have gotten this this yesterday. I feel so stupid.
Mr. Boogie Woogie
Manhattan, KS USA - Friday, December 16, 2005 at 12:13:51 (PST)
just a test
test
USA - Sunday, November 20, 2005 at 10:27:33 (PST)
The Real One....Damn Wanker
Pinky
USA - Monday, April 11, 2005 at 20:58:29 (PDT)
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each is carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her Husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh McTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him.... what? (Oh, man, this is so bad it's good) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who submitted ten different puns to the Stumptown clan, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Pun-isher
Bay area, CA USA - Thursday, March 10, 2005 at 14:17:01 (PST)
Happy the man, whose wish and care
a few paternal acres bound,
content to breathe his own air
in his own ground.
Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread,
whose flocks supply him with attire;
whose trees in summer yield him shade,
in winter fire.
Blest, who can unconcernedly find
hours, days, and years slide soft away
in health of body, peace of mind;
Quiet by day.
Sound sleep by night; study and ease
together mixed, sweet recreation,
and innocence, which most does please
with meditation.
Thus let me live,unseen, unknown;
thus unlamented let me die,
steal from the world, and not a stone
tell where I lie
veto
Alexander, Pope - Sunday, February 20, 2005 at 23:43:46 (PST)
Happy Christmas and Merry New Year!
Thierry
Guerneville, Ca USA - Friday, December 24, 2004 at 14:22:50 (PST)
How about this for a bumper sticker:
SOUR GRAPES MAKE BITTER WINE.
veto
- Wednesday, December 08, 2004 at 22:27:40 (PST)
I guess that guy can't find any political blog sites that will band together with him for a cause...cause I don't come here to read that shit...Please excuse my english. (and might as well mention the punctuation...considering it is all whacked to those kind...skip that if you like beer...) But...and there is almost always a butt...but this time ass works too...I saw a bumper sticker the other day that pretty much says how I feel about it...and I thought I would share it just to irritate that guy.
________________________________________________________
NO ONE DIED
WHEN CLINTON LIED
________________________________________________________
~and a little funny...You know that Bin Laden tape that came out right before election day..?
I swear...I couda swore that looked like Jeb in a costume...
Ahhhh ha ha ha ha.....huh? It was a favor of course they wanted GW re-elected...Or he had his buddy Osama play the old reverse phsycology trick to get him re-elected...and Bush sends him a fruit basket with more 8mm blank vidio tapes tucked in the bottom for next time....J Kerry would have gone and got him..he is not scared of being in the armed service...been there..GW got together with Jeb and they said
"wo, I tell you whut....lets try the old switcheroo...and we can git er doooone" (might have said yeeehaw but I don't know...I think Bill W was there too)
allright..I gotta go to SR!
Peace!
G-ville Mom
The most awesome place this side of Maui..., USA - Wednesday, December 08, 2004 at 14:02:30 (PST)
If winter is slumber and spring is birth, and summer is life, then autumn rounds out to be reflection. It's a time of year when the leaves are down and the harvest is in and the perennials are gone. Mother Earth just closed up the drapes on another year and it's time to reflect on what's come before.
Mitchell Burgess, Northern Exposure, Thanksgiving, 1992
veto
USA - Monday, October 18, 2004 at 23:11:27 (PDT)
When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs the one that yelps is generally the one that got hit.
veto
USA - Monday, October 04, 2004 at 21:29:01 (PDT)
What about Bin Laden?
Bert Wooster
- Friday, October 01, 2004 at 12:07:06 (PDT)
I must apologize for my ignorance, oddly enough I had not been made aware that the whole free speech thing is your exclusive domain. Here's a tip, spend less time watching the "oxygen" channel and more time breathing it (sans pakololo).
Even in this brave new world of JamieSpeak, If you'd have read the guestbook you'd probably agree that "over and over and over" is a bit exagerated.
Furthermore, the entry in question was neither posted by me nor is it a diatribe (feel free to look it up during the commercials).
Spasibo i dasvidanya Tovarina.
Mr. Hackett
Stumptown, CA USA - Thursday, September 30, 2004 at 13:56:00 (PDT)
Please stop posting the same Republican diatribe {see below} over and over and over Mr. Hackett. It's tiresome, as are you. Thank you and goodday.
jamie
sf, ca USA - Wednesday, September 29, 2004 at 23:43:46 (PDT)
Whoops, I forgot I said that!!
"One way or the other, we are determined to deny Iraq the capacity to develop weapons of mass destruction and the missiles to deliver them. That is our bottom line." - President Clinton, Feb. 4, 1998
"If Saddam rejects peace and we have to use force, our purpose is clear. We want to seriously diminish the threat posed by Iraq's weapons of mass destruction program." - President Clinton, Feb. 17, 1998
Iraq is a long way from [here], but what happens there matters a great deal here. For the risks that the leaders of a rogue state will use nuclear, chemical or biological weapons against us or our allies is the greatest security threat we face." - Madeline Albright, Feb 18, 1998
"He will use those weapons of mass destruction again, as he has ten time since 1983." - Sandy Berger, Clinton National Security Adviser, Feb, 18,1998
"[WE] urge you, after consulting with Congress, and consistent with the U.S. Constitution and laws, to take necessary actions (including, if appropriate, air and missile strikes on suspect Iraqi sites) to respond effectively to the threat posed by Iraq's refusal to end its weapons of mass destruction programs." - Letter to President Clinton, signed by Sens. Carl Levin (D-MI), Tom Daschle (D-SD), John Kerry( D - MA), and others Oct. 9,1998
"Saddam Hussein has been engaged in the development of weapons of mass destruction technology which is a threat to countries in the region and he has made a mockery of the weapons inspection process." - Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D, CA), Dec. 16, 1998
"Hussein has ... chosen to spend his money on building weapons of mass destruction and palaces for his cronies." - Madeline Albright, Clinton Secretary of State, Nov. 10, 1999
"There is no doubt that ... Saddam Hussein has invigorated his weapons programs. Reports indicate that biological, chemical and nuclear programs continue apace and may be back to pre-Gulf War status. In addition, Saddam continues to redefine delivery systems and is doubtless using the cover of a licit missile program to develop longer-range missiles that will threaten the United States and our allies." - Letter to President Bush, Signed by Sen. Bob Graham (D, FL,) and others, December 5, 2001
"We begin with the common belief that Saddam Hussein is a tyrant and threat to the peace and stability of the region. He has ignored the mandate of the United Nations and is building weapons of mass destruction and the means of delivering them." - Sen. Carl Levin (D, MI), Sept. 19, 2002
"We know that he has stored secret supplies of biological and chemical weapons throughout his country." - Al Gore, Sept. 23, 2002
"Iraq's search for weapons of mass destruction has proven impossible to deter and we should assume that it will continue for as long as Saddam is in power." - Al Gore, Sept. 23, 2002
"We have known for many years that Saddam Hussein is seeking and developing weapons of mass destruction." - Sen. Ted Kennedy (D, MA), Sept. 27, 2002
"The last UN weapons inspectors left Iraq in October of 1998. We are confident that Saddam Hussein retains some stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons, and that he has since embarked on a crash course to build up his chemical and biological warfare capabilities. Intelligence reports indicate that he is seeking nuclear weapons..." - Sen. Robert Byrd (D, WV), Oct. 3, 2002
"I will be voting to give the President of the United States the authority to use force-- if necessary-- to disarm Saddam Hussein because I believe that a deadly arsenal of weapons of mass destruction in his hands is a real and grave threat to our security." - Sen. John F. Kerry (D, MA), Oct. 9,2002
"There is unmistakable evidence that Saddam Hussein is working aggressively to develop nuclear weapons and will likely have nuclear weapons within the next five years.... We also should remember we have always underestimated the progress Saddam has made in development of weapons of mass destruction."- Sen. Jay Rockefeller (D, WV), Oct 10, 2002
"He has systematically violated, over the course of the past 11 years, every significant UN resolution that has demanded that he disarm and destroy his chemical and biological weapons, and any nuclear capacity. This he has refused to do" - Rep. Henry Waxman (D, CA), Oct. 10, 2002
"In the four years since the inspectors left, intelligence reports show that Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapons stock, his missile delivery capability, and his nuclear program. He has also given aid, comfort, and sanctuary to terrorists, including al Qaeda members. It is clear, however, that if left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons." - Sen. Hillary Clinton (D, NY), Oct 10, 2002
"We are in possession of what I think to be compelling evidence that Saddam Hussein has, and has had for a number of years, a developing capacity for the production and storage of weapons of mass destruction." - Sen. Bob Graham (D, FL), Dec. 8, 2002
"Without question, we need to disarm Saddam Hussein. He is a brutal, murderous dictator, leading an oppressive regime.... He presents a particularly grievous threat because he is so consistently prone to miscalculation.... And now he is miscalculating America's response to his continued deceit and his consistent grasp for weapons of mass destruction.... So the threat of Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real" - Sen. John F. Kerry (D, MA), Jan. 23. 2003
SO NOW, EVERY ONE OF THESE SAME DEMOCRATS SAY PRESIDENT BUSH LIED -- THAT THERE NEVER WERE ANY WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION and HE TOOK US TO WAR UNNECESSARILY
veto
- Friday, July 30, 2004 at 22:44:38 (PDT)
Wish I was back in the cool evening air on the deck drinking a Rat... or the long passed but fondly remembered Black Stump grog...
Russian River / Maui Anecdote
-----------------------------
I was in a real estate office here on Maui, right on the beach. An older gentleman walked in and I could see all of the South Maui beaches over his left shoulder. The realtor I was working with asked him where he was from and he said the Russian River. The realtor told the guy that I was from Guerneville.
Without hesitation and with a wry smile the grey-haired man nodded slightly to his left toward the South Maui coastline and said, "Kind of a good second best, huh?"
I could only nod in affirmation.
--------------------------
Enjoy the river, the redwoods, the people, the conversations, the beer, and the bar. There aren't many places like it anywhere...
Fond remembrances and wishes from the beaches of South Maui.
Greg
Kihei, HI USA - Tuesday, July 27, 2004 at 19:45:13 (PDT)
camp as a row of tents...
I like to "mate"...
nonbeliever
mytown, USA - Saturday, July 10, 2004 at 13:10:38 (PDT)
great site, very funny! we're coming this weekend for the blues festival & will surely stop in....we like beer.
tebby
hayward, ca USA - Wednesday, June 23, 2004 at 15:26:50 (PDT)
wow!
lyndsi horton
p.s., co USA - Sunday, June 13, 2004 at 21:49:51 (PDT)
A great mate ALWAYS buys you a beer
Veto
USA - Saturday, June 05, 2004 at 10:32:56 (PDT)
I'd settle for someone with a big MIND who laughs at my jokes!
BEERBITCH
USA - Monday, May 17, 2004 at 11:26:26 (PDT)
Ask yourself how much of this applies to the one you're with.....
What Makes a Great Mate?>
> Someone who knows what you need before you say it.
> Someone who knows when to laugh and when to cry.
> Someone who truly listens when you have something to say.
> Someone that's there for you during the good and bad times.
> Someone who is caring .
> Someone who loves you with all their heart and soul.
> Someone who is interested in reality and not as a fashion
display.
> Someone who is honest.
> Someone you can trust like a sibling, and confide in like a
friend.
> Someone who is open and responsive.
> Someone who is never critical and ill-tempered in respect to
your needs.
> Someone who knows when things have to be compromised in the
relationship.
> Someone who understands listening is a key, but using what is
heard is
even more important.
> Someone who's there for you no matter what.
> Someone who is trustful.
> Someone who is a friend.
> Someone who gives a shoulder to cry on.
> Someone with a great sense of humor.
> Someone who has things in common with you.
> Someone who takes time to listen and enjoy you for who you are
and tries
not to make you something else.
> Someone with a constant open ear, open heart, and open mind to
accept and
love people for who the really are.
> Someone who will always be there to support your ideas without
argument
and love you for everything that you are.
> Someone that can get a point across without yelling.
> Someone that remembers all the cute stupid stuff you love.
> Someone that has a personality with qualities you don't have
yourself, but
admire greatly in them.
> Someone who realizes you're two separate people, and
appreciates the
differences.
> Someone who can sense a mood problem, and not take it
personally.
> Someone who understands the difference between PMS, and a real
problem.
> Someone who can make you happy when your sad.
> Someone who tells you the truth even if you don't want to hear
it.
> Someone who will not hurt you intentionally.
> Someone who is a sweet, romantic person who cherishes you no
matter what.
> Someone that you can laugh with.
> Someone who you can feel comfortable with and that you don't
care what
kind of weird stuff they see you do because you know they will
still love
you no matter what.
> Someone who will love you in spite of your little
idiosyncrasies.
> Someone that would do anything to show how much they care.
> Someone who is a great pal, a great kisser, and a great lover!
> Someone who allows you to be yourself around them.
> Someone who will respect you.
> Someone who cherishes your hopes and is kind to your dreams.
> Someone who knows you're not perfect, but treats you as though
you are.
> Someone who listens with their heart and is your source of
inspiration.
>
believer
anytown, USA - Monday, May 10, 2004 at 09:10:20 (PDT)
Are you dropping the ball??? Long happy hour I see...
smurfburglar
smurf village, SM USA - Thursday, April 29, 2004 at 15:04:15 (PDT)
I like you site. It monderful it is. I like beer for me that you make. peeple laugh at jokes for me. That is good.
e
e, ca USA - Friday, March 19, 2004 at 10:40:47 (PST)
Get the babes ready - Kelly's blues man is coming to Stumptown soon.
Silver Fox
Chicago, Il USA - Monday, March 08, 2004 at 12:59:29 (PST)
intresting good job
chris
USA - Sunday, March 07, 2004 at 18:56:10 (PST)
Hi guys...and gals,
I would come see ya, but someone stole my car...I swear...so if you know nyone who's driving a new old BMW...and it was real cheap...you tell them I am looking for them! Danm it!
I don't mean to insinuate your patrons would have anything to do with it...I'm just putting out the word...
Thanks~
The Mom
Gville Mom
Gville, USA - Wednesday, February 11, 2004 at 12:59:43 (PST)
I love you too(and I am Yummy...I eat a lot of parsley)
Eric
Stumptown, CA USA - Friday, February 06, 2004 at 13:38:47 (PST)
I love Guerneville and I fuckin love Stumptown!!! Such a beautiful environment to relax in. I live in SF and when I get off work I sometimes wish I could just drive up for a drink. I am wishing that right now. But alas it is a bit too far for that. So I try to come up often on the weekends. I am in LOVE (Yummy!!!) with one of the bar regulars so you may see me there a bit. :)
Annieland
San Francisco, CA USA - Tuesday, February 03, 2004 at 16:32:00 (PST)
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:
Dear Wife,
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
Signed;
Your Husband.
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband,
You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Don't wait up.
Signed;
Your Wife.
G-ville Mom
USA - Sunday, February 01, 2004 at 12:31:54 (PST)
Shayne had been drinking at his local pub all day and
most of the night. Mick the bartender says, "You'll
not be drinking anymore tonight, Shayne."
Shayne replies, "OK, Mick, I'll be on my way then."
Shayne gets up from his chair and steps forward. He
falls flat on his face. He curses, pulls himself up
by a stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step
towards the door and falls flat on his face.
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if
he can just get to the door and get some fresh air,
he'll be fine. Shayne belly-crawls to the door and
shimmies up the doorframe. He sticks his head outside
and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much
better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He
falls flat on his face.
He curses again. He can see his house just a few doors
down. He crawls to the door and shimmies up the
doorframe, opens the door and shimmies inside. He
takes a look up the stairs and says, "No bloody way."
But he crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door. He
says, "I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into
the room and falls flat on his face. Shayne crawls
forward, drags himself up by the sheets, and finally
falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Mary, comes into the room
carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Shayne. Did
you have a bit too much to drink last night?"
Shayne says, "I did Mary. But how'd you know?"
"Mick called You left your wheelchair at the pub."
Gville Mom
Gville, CA USA - Friday, January 30, 2004 at 12:54:09 (PST)
Awesome! I'm glad thats all fixed! So While I'm here I'll ask you, "When will the updated picture show up on the web page...One with the cool new tanks?". The place is looking good!
See Ya~
Gville Mom
Gville, CA USA - Friday, January 30, 2004 at 02:11:59 (PST)
Well here is a test....actually this is your test...I'm trying to get the answer right...then I can say "hey Stumpy"...here goes...
Gville Mom
Gville, CA USA - Friday, January 30, 2004 at 02:06:07 (PST)
test
test
USA - Tuesday, January 27, 2004 at 13:15:40 (PST)
Sometimes when I really have to go to the bathroom, I get turned on. Is this strange to you? At first, I thought it was strange but now it gives me all the more reason to drink. Should I consult a physician? What would happen if I actually tried to hump while in this state?
Hmmmmmm
RP, CA USA - Tuesday, January 20, 2004 at 14:54:51 (PST)
Hey, I agree, beer, burps, and farts are all great and fun. Let's keep it light. I do think kids are pretty cool though, and the mamas as well as the papas, oughta be respected. Don't come down so hard. Now back to the good stuff kiddos.... beer, burps, chums, farts, crabs, herpes, and all the rest... good times.... these are the days to remember.....
Kent Reddin
Portland, Oregon USA - Thursday, January 15, 2004 at 18:02:26 (PST)
I vote for more farting, beer, sex, beer, intellectual humor (you know like farting, sex, and beer jokes), etc. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I go to a bar, or a bar website for that matter, I do not want to talk about the joys, or lack there of, of parenting, nor do I want to be a witness to a banter full of hostile undertones from people that used to have more self respect! No offense Rat,and I know how easy it is rto get sucked in (clearly), but enough is enough. And to you, "parent", not to mention whomever you plan to show up as next week, pile your dirty laundry somewhere else, the rest of us are just plain tired of it. As an aside, bravo to the "farting-fucker" for trying to change the subject.....anytime baby, grrrrrr.....
beerbitch
USA - Thursday, January 15, 2004 at 17:25:19 (PST)
Wow, sounds like 'younger and wiser' are a little bitter.... i was actually planning on stopping in for a drink (while in town), but now maybe not.... why all the anger? odd. maybe it's from guilt... not sure about what though. breaking up a family is never anything to be proud of, other than being a child molestor, or a drug dealer, a home wrecker is the worst of them.... drug dealer coming after molestor i guess.... an an adult, i LIKE to sleep in my own bed at night and would be damned if i had to go back and forth with my little suitcase simply because my parents 'grew out of love, fell in love with someone else, or the best one.... needed to find themselves...' i love many of the things that the baby boom generation did for this country, but as far as what they did for families... well they are leaving behing a pretty crappy legacy. i know that they love themselves and all that they did for civil rights, women's rights, the vietnam war.... but they forgot about the building of the soul (that forms in those crucial early years), and about the responsibility that comes with having a child. too bad!! apologize to your children!!
Caitlin Westby
Portland, Oregon USA - Thursday, January 15, 2004 at 16:15:21 (PST)
That's more like it.
testy
USA - Thursday, January 15, 2004 at 15:45:28 (PST)
Slam a parent 'Younger and WISER' but YOU might try to buy a DICTIONARY before you do so. It will be chock full of definitions. Here is one you really need...
the·sau·rus ( P ) Pronunciation Key (th-sôrs)
n. pl. the·sau·ri (-sôr) or the·sau·rus·es
A book of SYNONYMS, often including related and contrasting words and antonyms.
A book of selected words or concepts, such as a specialized vocabulary of a particular field, as of medicine or music.
Latin thsaurus, treasury, from Greek thsauros.]
I am impressed you can READ though. wow. yer deep for a girl.
Parent laughing VERY hard
USA - Thursday, January 15, 2004 at 15:15:21 (PST)
Hey, again, Guestbook -
I've been reading the Guestbook off and on for the last few months but finally got the nerve to write myself. Keep up the good work. i plan on visiting sometime, so keep that "Rat" stuff brewing. i want a taste. here's an idea. What about limiting the number of words in your Guestbook? Then all of us can have a chance at being loquacious. Better buy that Thesaurus, "Parent".
Younger and Wiser (Y&W)
Younger and Wiser
Burlingame, CA USA - Thursday, January 15, 2004 at 14:41:39 (PST)
Hey Guestbook -
Who is this pompous writer of drivel who calls him/herself a "Parent"? This "Parent" might want to invest in a Roget's Thesaurus and look up the meaning of pompous and drivel. Then maybe he/she will stop filling up the Guestbook with rubbish. Can you imagine how boring it must be to listen to this gasbag "Parent" all day I'm sure glad i'm not his/her kid! Gag me with a spoon till I puke!!
Younger and Wiser
Younger and Wiser
Burlingame, CA USA - Thursday, January 15, 2004 at 14:12:16 (PST)
I had a dream the other night that I was with Anna Kournikova. We had a few drinks and she asked if I would like to go back to her place. Reluctantly(I heard she was clingy) I agreed and we headed out. When we got there she was all over me. We undressed each other and I proceeded to spank her with the Donkey. Half way through the luscious love fest she had a most unusual request. She wanted to mount me, ride me, and have me FART and continue to FART throughout the ride. I, being a true gentleman, did what the lady asked me to do. Because I had been drinking Rat Bastard, gas was not a problem. So each time she forcefully lowered the meat curtains down I sqeezed off a round(are Farts round?).
Anyway, I woke up laughing hystERICally, and decided to take it to another level. I know that no male, or female for that matter, would ever admit to this...butt I know it has happened to everyone and at least once it had to be intentional...while taking a shower that morning I decided to replay the dream I had the night prior. While washing vigorously I said to myself..."FART!"...so I did. WOW, I am a new man with something new to laugh at and am now looking for that special someone to share the experience with. If there is anyone out there with the GUTS and honesty to relive this with me and make this a 2 person reality...please let me know.
gross butt funny
RP, CA USA - Thursday, January 15, 2004 at 13:18:55 (PST)
I have a horrible case of the fartskies and I wanted to share it with MY world. So as I go the the one place I know of that I can speak without being misunderstood, I realize that there are people out there who read things the wrong way as well as hide true feelings under alias' and the cloak of "El Stumpo". So, in turn, I guess I am forced to share my rotten butt with other certain someones. Oh well. All good things come to an end, and today at least...all bad things come out of mine.
UH OH.....OH NO.....GOTTA GO!
innocent bystander
RP, CA USA - Thursday, January 15, 2004 at 10:32:24 (PST)
Hmm. This went the wrong way. Grandama sent the Cost of Kids note, I am sure with no malice. Many folks dig this S-Town G-Book page and occassionally I still speak to a few, so i stuck it here for all the parents and friends. Also with no intended malice to anyone. You have always been fun to talk to guy. Your candor and verbal wit are certainly your charm. 'No worries' mate there are and have never been tricks up this sleeve. My heart exists for my little one and my lines of communication have always been open should you need them. Peace.
Dad
USA - Thursday, January 15, 2004 at 08:55:44 (PST)
Interesting spin.
Shouldn't it have been a little longer?
Apparently the factual weight of a position is measured in pounds.
One wonders whose benefit this performance is aimed.
'step'
Podunk, Ca USA - Wednesday, January 14, 2004 at 15:57:58 (PST)
I must say I am sorry to read such a tone of resentment in your note. Try to remember everything in the world is not an attack on you and that the birth parent of the child you live with will always be a major part of their childs life and even yours to some extent. Maintaining relationships in such an environment can be challenging but it is about the child and not you versus that birth parent. I would venture to say if you are using your ‘stalling tactics and negotiating skills’ inside this relationship it cannot be the wisest choice for the child. You may want to try an age old self psychology trick and put yourself in that ex-spouses shoes, imagine the difficulties they face being separated from their child and what it must be like for them having you so deeply involved with their child. You are probably forced into the middle of the ‘new relationship’ this person has with their ex-spouse as well and this must be a hard place to be.
There is a well known author, Dr Susan Forward whom I would suggest you look up, I did. She has written many books surrounding many issues from 'toxic parents', 'emotional blackmail', 'toxic in-laws' and the well known 'men who hate women and the women who love them'. Who knows what you may find. It is sad but true, it takes many years to recover and grow from a marriage that has resulted in a divorce and even after so much time, moving forward for all the parties involved is a big task. It must be difficult to be in your shoes and I sympathize.
For me, I try to remember when dealing with my ex and her new significant other, the important thing is not their reaction to challenges that arise but my response. If I can stand fast in the face of fury, accusations, threats and guilt-peddling, it is when I experience my finest hours.
Parent back to 'step'
USA - Wednesday, January 14, 2004 at 10:10:03 (PST)
Ofcourse, 160k is the book value. Depending on your negotiating skills and/or stalling tactics you can probably buy worship for half that.
As for immortality and naming rights there's always the "International Star Registry". It's only $54, plus shipping and handling.
Step Parent
Podunk, Ca USA - Tuesday, January 13, 2004 at 18:01:03 (PST)
Subject: Cost of Kids
Cost of Kids.......... I have seen repeatedly the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice, really nice!!
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family.
Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition. But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.24 a day! Just
over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich." Actually, it is just the opposite.
What do you get for your $160,140?
Your own sense of living forever! It is a little piece of both you and your wife that will go on forever. Family, by blood naming rights. First, middle, and last! Giggles under the covers every night. More love than your heart can hold. Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs. Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies. A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate. A partner
for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain. Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus You have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney
movies, and wishing on stars. You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the
garage roof, taking the training wheels off a bike, removing a splinter,filling a wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a football team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless. You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step,
first word, first bra, first date, and first time behind the wheel.
You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren.
You get an education in psychology, nursing,criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God.
You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever.
This is true love without limits, so . . one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.
Think. Just Think.
Parent
USA - Tuesday, January 13, 2004 at 14:25:58 (PST)
Too many people put off something that brings them joy just
because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.
I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic
Who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back...From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.
How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out
to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you?
How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?
I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour? "She would gas up and stammer, "I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain." And my personal favorite:
"It's Monday." ...She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.
Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches...We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!
We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Stevie toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college. We will fix it later, right. Marriages fail and children wind up with drug problems because we won’t stop and look at OURSELVES. It is ok, ‘just keep moving on.’
Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter,and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken,and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on," and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit."
When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her or five minutes,and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.
My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.
Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to...not something on your SHOULD DO list.
If you were going to die soon and hadonly one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?
Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or Listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day onthe fly? When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow." And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a once in a lifetime friendship just die? Just call to say "Hi"?
When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an
Unopened gift!
...Thrown away... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.
It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care.
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!"
For the girls
USA - Thursday, January 08, 2004 at 10:29:51 (PST)
Hi There Stumpy,
I am almost offended...I use your site almost everyday...and I show it off to people I know all over the place on the web...I tried to Thank You in your guest book, but it says I am a spam risk....I hate spam...any way you serve it...but I am over it...I do though want to say thank you for the weather info..I know 24-7 I can come here and find out how far I have to move the cars from down here on Mill St..The other mom turning 40 had me writing a silly story...but it was disgarded as spam...and I really have to get the cars moved...as you know..I am taking on water as I type...I think I need a beer...tee hee...~from a Silent Fan in town...please pass on the "no wake" to sightseers if you don't mind...one of these days I will make it in...I feel like I am always there...but have yet to come down...I will have to take up drinking beer.......could you please not post my email addy?
Salute`
Gville Mom~
Guerneville, USA - Friday, January 02, 2004 at 13:46:55 (PST)
"Is that you?" Mom called on Sunday. She told me that I was, in fact 40 years old, but declined to double check my birth certificate even though I ranted, threatened lawsuits and told her I was going to make her come to my house and carry my weights up to the attic...again.
Woah, kids. I turned 40 freakin' years old.
I don't feel 40 most days. People say I don't look 40...most days. Aside from my ex-wife, people seem to feel like I act 40 most days, although I try not to most of the time. I can still run, but not fast enough. I have had many friends turn 40 and it just doesn't seem possible.
I share my Birthday with Lt. Cmdr. Uhura of the Starship Enterprise (who is 67). The Lone Ranger and Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys kicked the bucket on that same day of the year. Back in 1959, "The Chipmunk Song” reentered the chart and peaked at #41 on the pop singles chart…ahem…I remember them all. I admit it, I loved that damn song.
I have watched Godzilla and was amazed the special effects, listened to entire KISS albums (sorry Mom), drank countless cans of Grainbelt Beer, felt those bell bottom corduroys as I walked down the street and smelled fresh Southern California air.
Man it slips away.
In 40 years it will be 2043. If I am still around will I be getting timely Soc Security checks? Will the Vikes actually win a Super bowl? Will I ever know why it is that when someone tells me that there are over a billion stars in the universe, I believe them, but if there is a 'wet paint' sign somewhere, I just gotta touch it to make sure?
I guess I must face the facts that some things will never happen now. I'll never dunk a basketball, try out for the NFL, make a 'Diamond anniversary’ or play Hamlet (you looked ridiculous Mel!). I am officially in the no-mans land betwixt children’s prices and senior discounts. I am about to capitulate, donning the black socks to go with my sandals, a bitterly sad precursor to imminent loss of fashion awareness.
I am thankful for many things, however. Here are the top 10 things I am thankful for regarding 40:
1. I am not in San Quentin doing 40 years.
2. I am still with 40 lbs of my ‘target weight’.
3. I still have hair on over 40% of my head.
4. There are still a couple singers on the top 40 that I recognize (although most are over 40…)
5. It is still possible I shoot an honest 40 on 9 holes of golf.
6. I know at least 40 people who wish they were 40 again…
7. ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ wasn’t 40 minutes longer.
8. Vinnie Testeverde and Jerry Rice, BOTH 40, still play football.
9. I stayed awake long enough to read the last 40 pages of ‘Cold Mountain’.
10. My apologies have been accepted more than 40 times.
In conclusion, It is a funny and strange new world I watch as I grow older. My preferences and perceptions have changed along with me and much of it is fueled by this technological rocket we stamp as progress. Hell, I think of three espressos as "getting wasted”, I haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years and yesterday I pull up in my own driveway and use my cell phone to see if anyone is home.
I smile at Jessica and I try to see the future. I know someday I will have to e-mail her in her room to tell her that dinner is ready, and she will e-mail me back with a "What's for dinner?", I fully expect her to sell Girl Scout Cookies via her web site and ‘chat’ 3 or 4 times with a strange guy from South Africa, but won’t have spoken to Dad all day.
“Eric? I just wanted to call to say Happy Birthday, Honey!”
Thanks Mom. This ‘40’s for you
Big OLD me...
USA - Monday, December 29, 2003 at 14:26:28 (PST)
So I have a pretty normal life. I work, go to the gym and rant at the Vikes, sprinkle in a bit of 3 yr old daughter and it's damn fun. I must say, the season does do weird things to me though.
I was struggling in the grip of my Viking induced, hyperactive counter cultural behavioralisms on a recent Sunday afternoon, when I was suddenly infused with a seizure of brute strength. It flowed through me like a river of electricity. I cried out with joy and I grabbed my brute-ish fur footstool by both of the side tabs and hurled it forward against my 32 in Sony TV. It was weak, and I was strong.
It is a wonderful kind of feeling that comes on me more and more these days, as I become stronger and stronger. All these hours spent lifting weights and sneaking periodic perverted peeks at the scantily clad female’s gym enthusiasts seem to be paying off in bulk.
Anyway, I got into a conversation with a chick who claimed to be named Jennifer. She said she was an actress, but saw my Vikings tattoo and was also a serious sports fan. Of course I related my connections to Major Motion Picture Companies worldwide and my budding career as a TV sportscaster with the NFL. "I would do anything, if it will let me come face to face with a true hero of Football on television," she said, almost desperately. "Nothing will prevent me from making this dream come true. Nothing!"
"EXACTLY!" I said. "Your dream must come true! What can I do to help?"
She laughed harshly.
"I have the most beautiful breasts of any woman in the world, and I can prove it on worldwide TV. That is how you can help me."
This happens every time I go to the gym. I am a good lookin’ blue eyed Dane, in fact -- but I am also deeply involved in many other arts and disciplines and sometimes very dangerous persuasions that have little to do with the sparkling world of hitting on and lying to girls I meet at 24 hr fitness.
Yes sirrie. But as you and I both know, there is a huge difference between the words "little" and "nothing."
Nothing means Never, and little means Maybe, or almost never. Ho ho ho. I almost never killed people who crossed me when I was drunk. ...That will make for interesting conversations in a courtroom. It is the difference between Guilty and Innocent.
December is an ugly month for finding a good woman. It is a desperate season for most people, but not for me this year, because I am turning into a Body Nazi, and I feel pretty good about it. Ho ho ho. Yes sir. Nothing can hurt me for at least 30 days, and by then I will be twice as strong and crazy as I am now.
Which is pretty damn crazy, on some days, but that is only gossip. "Crazy" is a term of art: "Insane" is a term of Law. Remember that, and you will save yourself a lot of trouble.
(The Marquis De Sade was born crazy and he did monumentally crazy things every day of his utterly degenerate life… But he was only insane when he got locked up in jail.)
That is the Cruelty of these morbid times I live. My picture of a true mate is not the only pillar of Faith that is crumbling all around me. Even America’s Military power is failing. If we get chased out of Iraq with our tail between our legs, that will be the fifth damn consecutive Third-world nothing of a country with no hint of a Navy or an Air Force to kicked our ass in the past 40 years! Which happens to be my age. Almost.
If the U.S. had a national Football team with a record like that, we would have fired the Coach a long time ago! Shit canned fast and hard, thrown to the sorry world of sports commentary losers like Denny Green. Nobody can lose all the time and still stay in power. Even Adolf Hitler was forced to kill himself after destroying Germany. He was a murderous speed freak who wanted to rule the world. He was hated and feared by his own Generals. Everybody freakin’ hated Hitler. (Hell even Eva didn’t fuck the guy). He was too crazy to live -- yet he did rule the world for 12 years and four months, and he got away with it.
But so what? The point is, anything is possible for the Strong. But the Weak will always be punished. It is a law of Nature -- or it was, in the good old days when men were men and girls were the only ones with beautiful bouncing breasts.
"What?" Where are we going with this story? What happened in my brain to make me talk, or even think, like this? Am I turning into a Pervert?
No. I am only thinking back on that shameless girl from 24 hr Fitness who wanted to get famous by exposing her naked body on TV.
"Don't ever speak to me again about exposing your breasts," I told her. "You are about 15 years too late for that kind of everyday fame. Get back to me when you think of something original. My cell number is 707-479-9578, do you want my home one and e-mail also?"
The takeaway close can be a very effective tool warming up that vacant, cold side of the bed.
That ol' college F#$K!
USA - Tuesday, December 16, 2003 at 13:54:35 (PST)
There are 2 cannibals sitting there at the brewery. One gets up and heads into the bathroom. After a few minutes...he comes out of the ladies room with a huge smile on his face. His buddy asks, "what are you so happy about?". He replies, "I just dumped my girlgriend."
steg
steggieville, steg USA - Monday, December 15, 2003 at 15:39:14 (PST)
Thanks for allowing me and my partners from Xck to puke on your patio. Rat Bastard makes me fart. E was right, the best place to drop the kids off at the pool is the ladies room. I took pictures if you are interested.
Stink
RP, CA USA - Monday, December 15, 2003 at 10:37:09 (PST)
Holy Moley! It's Christmas again, just like that, and the air is crisp with young footballs. There will be NFL games on TV every day from now until January and, after that, March of next year, which is a long way off.
The Gods of Sport are always Hungry in the winter. They feed twice a day, and they don't take no for an answer.
I was brooding on this last night, when the phone rang and jerked me back to reality. It was my old friend Mark Withers, calling from Los Angeles with a frog in his throat. I could barely hear his voice.
"Speak up!" I said sharply. "I thought I told you never to call me on a cell phone. You sound like some kind of Eskimo whore."
"Sorry," he whispered. "I'll call you back on a land line." Then I thought I heard him laugh, just before the phone went dead again.
"Are you drunk?" I asked when he called back.
"No," he replied. "I am high on life. Good things are happening out here. Jack Nicholson wants to run in the Marathon this year, along with Naomi Watts and that other girl from 'Mulholland Drive.' I forget her name ... "
"Laura," I said. "Her name is Laura Harring. I remember her well."
"Exactly!" he croaked. "That love scene with Naomi almost drove me crazy. That's why I'm feeling so high. I can hardly wait to get my hands on her. She is impossibly beautiful." And then he moaned.
"Calm down!" I warned him. "Don't embarrass yourself in public. People will lose all respect for you."
"Public?" he said nervously. "What do you mean, public? We are talking on a secure land line. I would never talk like that in a public place. So you think I am stupid?"
"Of course not," I told him. "You are nowhere near stupid. You are smart as a whip. Nothing stupid will ever come between us -- at least not in public."
"What are you trying to tell me?" he snapped. "Are you already jealous of me?"
"No," I said. "I am jealous of Jack. Both of those girls are staying with him in Honolulu, so you will never get your filthy Canadian hands on either one of them. They are locked in with Jack for the whole week. He will have you killed if you mess with his women."
He laughed. "Jack would never have me killed," he said. "I am very valuable to him."
"That's what Keyshawn Johnson said," I told him with a sneer in my voice. "And look what happened to him: Chopped down like a weed, dismissed, de-activated, kicked out of Tampa forever!"
"Good riddance," he snarled. "I never really liked that loopy bastard, anyway. He is chicken-crap. His career should have been put to sleep a long time ago. I hate that swine!"
I cursed and hung up the phone. I was tired of his crazy gibberish -- particularly when he talked about "getting his hands on that girl from 'Mulholland Drive'." It almost made me sick to listen to him jabber. Just because he was the ‘Crest guy’ and acted in a couple of Magnum PI’s back in the 70’s doesn't means he's not a pervert.
So I called him back and got snide with him.
"You worthless pervert," I said. "You are a disgrace to everything you touch. Just because you are an actor doesn't give you the right to look down on normal people. When I get to LA, I'm going to kick the snot out of your lame ass."
He giggled and hung up on me.
"So what?" I said to Jess. "Let's put another log on the fire and go swimming."
She laughed.
"Daddy, it’s pouring rain outside."
"Wonderful," I replied. "The cold will only make us stronger."
That Ol' College F%$K!
USA - Thursday, December 11, 2003 at 15:50:02 (PST)
>December 8, 2003
>
>Dear Mr. Bush,
>
>Well, it's going on two weeks now since your surprise visit to one of
>the
>two countries you now run and, I have to say, I'm still warmed by the
>gesture. Man, take me along next time! I understand only 13 members of the
>media went with you -- and it turns out only ONE of them was an actual
>reporter for a newspaper. But you did take along FIVE photographers (hey, I
>get it, screw the words, it's all about the pictures!), a couple wire
>service guys, and a crew from the Fox News Channel (fair and balanced!).
>
>Then, I read in the paper this weekend that that big turkey you were
>holding in Baghdad (you know, the picture that's supposed to replace the
>now-embarrassing footage of you on that aircraft carrier with the sign
>"Mission Accomplished") -- well, it turns out that big, beautiful turkey of
>yours was never eaten by the troops! It wasn't eaten by anyone! That's
>because it wasn't real! It was a STUNT turkey, brought in to look like a
>real edible turkey for all those great camera angles.
>
>Now I know some people will say you are into props (like the one in the
>lower extremities of your flyboy suit), but hey, I get it, this is theater!
>So what if it was a bogus turkey? The whole trip was bogus, all staged to
>look like "news." The fake honey glaze on that bird wasn't much different
>from the fake honey glaze that covers this war. And the fake stuffing in
>the fake bird was just the right symbol for our country during these times.
>America loves fake honey glaze, it loves to be stuffed, and, dammit, YOU
>knew that -- that's what makes you so in touch with the people you lead!
>
>It was also a good idea that you made the "press" on that trip to
>Baghdad
>pull the shades down on the plane. No one in the media entourage
>complained. They like the shades pulled and they like to be kept in the
>dark. It's more fun that way. And, when you made them take the batteries
>out of their cell phones so they wouldn't be able to call anyone, and they
>dutifully complied -- that was genius! I think if you had told them to put
>their hands on their heads and touch their noses with their tongues, they
>would have done that, too! That's how much they like you. You could have
>played "Simon Says" the whole way over there. It wouldn't have been that
>much different from "Karl Says," a game they LOVE to play every day with
>Mr. Rove.
>
>Well, if you're planning any surprises for Christmas, don't forget to
>include me. When I heard last week that you wanted to send a man back to
>the moon, I thought, get the fake goose ready -- that's where ol' George is
>going for the holidays! I don't blame you, what with nearly 3 million jobs
>disappeared, and a $281 billion surplus disappeared, and the USA stuck in a
>war that will never end -- who wouldn't want to go to the moon! This time,
>take ALL the media with you! Embed them on the moon! They'll love it there!
>It looks just like Crawford! You can golf on the moon, too. You'll have so
>much fun up there, you might not want to come back. Better take Cheney with
>you, too. Pretend it's a medical experiment or something. "That's one small
>step for man, one giant leap for every American who's sick and tired of all
>this crap."
>
>Yours,
>
>Michael Moore
Michael M
USA - Tuesday, December 09, 2003 at 06:58:18 (PST)
Fantasy rewrites
_________________________________________
>MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court
>and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is
>crazy." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said
>she's f**king Goofy."
>___________________________________________
>One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very
>attracted to him and during her questions about his life she
>asked him how he engaged to have sex.
>"What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was
>and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."
>Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will
>show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay
>down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she pointed,
>"you must put it in here."
>Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her
>an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony.
>Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do
>that for?" "Just checking for bees," said Tarzan.
___________________________________________________________
PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes
>complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio,
>therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto
>suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio
>skipped away enlightened. A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio
>bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
>Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
>_____________________________________________
>LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods
>when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree
>and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to
>screw your brains out!"
>To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic
>basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and
>said, "No, you're not.You're going to eat me, just like it says
>in the book."
Locke
USA - Tuesday, November 11, 2003 at 14:42:32 (PST)
Other well kept secrets just for fun and to see who's on the ball-
Luminaries born on October 27:
1) Theodore Roosevelt: US president, Nobel Peace Prize winner, Soldier, anti trust champion, national park creator.
2) Nicolo Paganini: Italian romantic violinist
3) Dylan Thomas: Welsh poet, playwright, script, short story writer, alcoholic, died at age thirty.
4) Ruby Dee: stage, TV actress
5) Roy Lichtenstein: pop artist
6) John Clees: BritishTV comedian, Fawlty Towers, Monty Python,
fordo
USA - Monday, October 27, 2003 at 23:35:00 (PST)
There's the wonderful love of a beautiful maid,
And the love of a staunch true man,
And the love of a baby that's unafraid-
All have existed since time began.
But the most wonderful love, the Love of all loves,
Even greater of the love for Mother,
Is the infinite, tenderest, passionate love
Of one dead drunk for another.
demosthenes
USA - Friday, October 24, 2003 at 23:01:20 (PDT)
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed - Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'"
-Deep Thought, Jack Handy
fordo
USA - Tuesday, September 23, 2003 at 12:08:50 (PDT)
Just had to say hello, looks like a great place for a beer or two. I enjoyed my virtual visit :-)
freeby
Liverpool, UK - Wednesday, September 10, 2003 at 03:48:23 (PDT)
This last entry inspires me once again to say how impressed I am with the level of intelligence around here. Occasionally, even brilliance! I bet Ernest (and Fordo?*^&??) has a really big mind! BB
beerbitch
USA - Friday, August 29, 2003 at 16:57:45 (PDT)
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with the fools he must come in contact with every day.
Ernest Hemingway
fordo
USA - Thursday, August 28, 2003 at 09:59:32 (PDT)
When i read about the evils of drinking, i gave up reading.
-Henny Youngman
Special K
concord , ca USA - Saturday, August 23, 2003 at 22:16:02 (PDT)
One of my favorite things about Stumptown Brewery (aside from the "rat") is the ability to exercise the option. It's always good to have an option, even if you don't exercise it. What a treat! EVERYONE who goes to Stumptown Brewery has the ability to exercise this option....whether you are a big fat sissy cowboy, or a cum guzzling gutter slut with a tongue tickling for tequila. Time has proven (it's been a year now) that it's not always a good thing to exercise that option, (i.e., CG squared, tongue tickling!) but again, nice to know it's there! Happy Option Anniversary Rat! Cheers, BB
beer bitch
USA - Friday, August 15, 2003 at 09:11:16 (PDT)
Stopped in yesterday for a couple of horns of the "Rat".
I am a better person for it today!!
Miles Long
Windsor, CA USA - Monday, July 14, 2003 at 12:29:59 (PDT)
I love hang time at stumptown...tossing a few down with the girls and flushing my sunglasses down the toilet.....
JJ
Santa Rosa, CA USA - Friday, July 11, 2003 at 15:25:26 (PDT)
Is there a winning and losing? Learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we've changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning.
Ohm
USA - Tuesday, June 17, 2003 at 19:12:02 (PDT)
What's hoppin' Stumptown,
I commend you on your ingenuity, your perseverance, and your choice of brewers. Cogratulations on your success. You have a fantastic website! How did you come up with your establishment's name? I look forward to checking you guys out this summer.
Chao,
CRAD
CRAD
Stumptown, OR USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 22:43:25 (PDT)
I just crapped myself....again and I want everyone to know.
stegballs
Rotten Pork, ca USA - Friday, April 11, 2003 at 12:07:33 (PDT)
Its bad enough that I keep getting spammed to death by these credit card debt offers. It seems like everywhere I turn I see
ads for repair
credit this and that. Now these companies are posting messages on your guest book to advertise their credit
counseling services? Give me a break! Maybe some of us don’t mind having bad credit and
just want to use the Internet in peace. Post your junk elsewhere. none.
Brenda
Sun City, OR US - Tuesday, March 11, 2003 at 23:24:44 (PST)
Some real crackers on this website that's for sure. Christmas? Utopia? What happened to beer, golf, and cunt jokes??? Oh, how I miss the good old days.....
beerbitch
USA - Friday, February 28, 2003 at 17:26:26 (PST)
Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about? -Charlie Brown
Gotta Love Peanuts
Spain - Monday, February 24, 2003 at 07:42:42 (PST)
Sundays too my father got up early, and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold, then with cracked hands that ached from labor in the weekday weather made banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him. But thanks for this site!
Steve S.
Missoula, MT - Saturday, February 22, 2003 at 19:09:12 (PST)
Damn, just too long in between drinks. I'm dying over here.
In town this weekend have plenty of the Rat on tap. The Pinky storm is a coming!!!!
Pinky
All I CAn Get, ca USA - Wednesday, January 29, 2003 at 18:00:04 (PST)
Hey I really like your site. I have found some of the information here
helpfull. Thanks :)
Joe D.
Joe
Memphis, TN US - Tuesday, January 21, 2003 at 21:49:42 (PST)
I hope you can help...
I'm looking for a pair of mud flaps for my boyfriend's F250 Ford Truck, I'm sure you know what kind I'm talking about. Do you know where I can get some mud flaps with the silhouette of the naked lady on them. He has been asking for them for christmas, his birthday and every other time I have to buy him something? Please let me know, I thought I had secured a pair however Truckaddons.com cannot locate them anymore. Thanks for you time!
Jenni
Jenni
SHEBOYGAN, WI USA - Wednesday, January 15, 2003 at 07:31:14 (PST)
Friends!
Been missing ya'll a bunch lately. Something about sippin' pints next to that toasty Stumptown fire during the rainy season. Gets me all tingly inside. Hey! How about posting some pics of the Stumptown BABIES!! Oregon's treating me kindly, Azure's growing up fast (in kindergarten already!!)....all is groovy. Take care of yo' bad selves!! Peace.
Aimee
Portland, OR USA - Friday, December 27, 2002 at 17:14:32 (PST)
Howdy,
heard about the recent weather up there and started to miss the river all over again. We hate it down here and plan to be back in 3 years. Otherwise all is well. Tell Carla, E, and Jessica that the next time they are down this way to ring us up. Happy Holidays.
Daniel, Kari, and James.
P.S. Give our regards to all.
D
huntington beach, ca USA - Saturday, December 21, 2002 at 17:13:34 (PST)
yes, a wonderful website, and I heartily encourage anyone signing the guestbook to plan a little trip and come visit us here along the Russian River. Even though I'm old and have fallen off the smoking wagon I still manage to get down to the ol' waterin' hole once in a while. Good food, great beer...and friends.
fordo
guerneville, ca USA - Saturday, December 21, 2002 at 08:40:19 (PST)
I miss you guys! Raney is so big now--5 months old and at least 20 lbs. Ford is also getting older and bigger--just celebrated 41 times around the sun, and quit smoking...he's polishing off the Ben&Jerry's like crazy. (But, he's doing a great thing with quitting!) Is Stumptown having a holiday bash or potluck? Can we come? And will Warren bring his famous deviled eggs?
Mesa
Guerneville, CA USA - Saturday, December 14, 2002 at 00:03:02 (PST)
Wise words once heard at Stumptown:
TAKE THE F***ING MONEY!!
crazy red-headed Oregonian
Portland, Or USA - Tuesday, November 19, 2002 at 14:29:51 (PST)
Nice site--place looks hella-fun! I will have to stop in next time I go through your ways. Keep up the good work!
Max
Portland, OR USA - Tuesday, November 19, 2002 at 14:23:24 (PST)
You have a great site! It is cool!! :)
T
CA USA - Thursday, November 14, 2002 at 18:07:08 (PST)
I think this website should have jokes
Emily
st.louis, missisouri USA - Tuesday, October 01, 2002 at 19:14:24 (PDT)
This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the Newsletter of the New Zealand equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.
The letter begins:
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, due to poor project management, I found I had many bricks left over, which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.
As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly.
The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry.
El Stumpo
Guerneville, CA USA - Tuesday, September 17, 2002 at 11:30:41 (PDT)
"Thththe the thats all folks!"
E
USA - Monday, July 22, 2002 at 11:07:35 (PDT)
It was sometime in September,
as far as I remember.
I was full of booze and full of stinking pride.
As I lay down in the gutter
I could neither speak nor splutter,
when a pig came up and lay down by my side.
And a lady passing by was heard to say:
"You can tell a man who boozes,
by the company he chooses."
So the pig got up and briskly walked away.
El Stumpo
Stumptown, USA - Monday, July 22, 2002 at 09:28:03 (PDT)
Main Entry: pa·thet·ic
Pronunciation: p&-'the-tik
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle French or Late Latin; Middle French pathetique, from Late Latin patheticus, from Greek pathEtikos capable of feeling, pathetic, from paschein (aorist pathein) to experience, suffer -- more at PATHOS
Date: 1598
Empirical evidence seems to prove that 'capable of feeling' is, in fact, something the 'liberated woman' has little concept of. My mistake and appologies. 'You had me at hello'. G'day.
Websters help
USA - Monday, July 22, 2002 at 09:05:32 (PDT)
You just keep ACTING that's what you're good at! Pathetic.
Liberated Woman
USA - Sunday, July 21, 2002 at 20:18:11 (PDT)
Sundance: "What are you doin'?" Butch: "Stealin' your woman." Sundance: "Oh. Take her,take her." Butch: "You're a real sentimental bastard, you know that."
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - 1969
USA - Friday, July 19, 2002 at 12:27:46 (PDT)
more poetry?
-- REDNECK HAIKU
NO SIGNAL
White noise, buzzing static
Call Earl; satellite dish
needs new descrambler
IMPOUNDED
BEAUTY
Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mud flaps
REMORSE
A painful sadness
Can't fit big screen TV through
Double-wide's front door
OPTIONS
Unemployment's out.
Hey, maybe I can get on
Disability
BLAZE
Distant siren screams
Dumb-ass Verne's been playing with
Gasoline again
A NEW MOON
Flashlights pierce darkness
No night crawlers to be found
Guess we'll gig some frogs
ALONE
Seeking solitude
Carl's ex-wife Tammy files for
Restraining order
DESIRE
Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost forget
That you are my cousin
HATRED
I curse the rainbow
Emblazoned upon his hood
God damn Jeff Gordon
OFFERINGS
Tonight we hunger
Grandma sent grocery money
To Jimmy Swaggert
DRAMA
Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazzard Marathon
At 9 O'clock
DEPRIVED
In Wal-Mart toy aisle
Wailing boy wants wrestling doll
Mama whups his ass
Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keeps me from
My El Camino
GATHERING
In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon Pies and Red Man
PRIDE
Grinning, he displays
The nine hundred beer cans
Filling pickup bed
fordo
stumptown, USA - Tuesday, May 28, 2002 at 16:02:09 (PDT)
Welcome to hell
One day a Greggy Zuckert died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with the devil.
The demon was named Peter and asked, "Hey Greggy, Why so glum?"
Zuck responded, "What do you think dumbass? I'm in hell!"
"Hell's not so bad," Peter the devil said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
"Sure," Gregger said, "I love to drink."
"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Our favorite Hell brewed beer is Rat Bastard and it is free. We drink till we throw up and fall down and then we pony up to the bar and drink some more!"
Greggy is astounded. "Hot damn, that sounds great!"
"You a smoker?" Peter asked.
"Just cigars!"
"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?"
"Wow, Gregger said, "that's awesome!"
The demon Peter continued. "I bet you like to gamble."
"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."
"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow.
You into drugs?"
Zuck said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."
"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"
"Wow," Greggy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
Pete the devil smiled and said "You gay?"
Big ol' jokin' E
USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 12:32:17 (PDT)
I'm sick..
Big ol' E calls his boss in the morning:
"Hey boss, I cant come work today I feel really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I wont be in."
The boss says:
"You know, E I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me a blow job. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that.
2 hours later ol' E calls:
"Hey there chief, I did what you said and I feel great, I'll be at work soon. Oh, by the way, you got a great house."
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 12:13:33 (PDT)
Carla saves the day!
A few days ago, Eric Steggy was hangin' at the bar all day (how unusual)! As the story goes he got up from the bar and headed for the bathroom to pinch a loaf. A few minutes later, this loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. No one thought anything of it, sometimes Steggy gets upset seeing the diminished size of his manhood and vents a bit.
A few minutes after that, here comes another louder scream reverberating through the bar and out onto the beach. Carla said she was worried the neighbors would call the cops on the bar next door again thinking someone over there got an overdose of antifreeze up the snooz and there goes buisness for the afternoon at Stump, so she is forced to go knock on the door of the women's room (Steggy always goes in there...) to investigate why Eric is screaming.
"What's all the screaming about in there?" she yells. "Knock it off, you're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," whined Eric, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."
Carla reluctantly opened the door, looked in, and says, "You butthead! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
That Carla, what a lifesaver!
Barwatch committee member #4
CA USA - Wednesday, May 15, 2002 at 08:53:36 (PDT)
$1 million prize fish at large in beer company contest
Associated Press
Published May 7, 2002
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. -- Dig out the waders: There's a fish out there worth $1 million to the angler who reels it in.
In a contest to promote its Busch brand of beer, Anheuser-Busch Inc. has tagged 40 fish and placed one into each of 40 bodies of water around the United States.
A $1 million grand-prize tag has been attached to one of the fish, named Big Jake. The remaining 39 have been tagged for secondary prizes of $1,000.
The second-annual ``Catch Big Jake'' contest started Saturday and runs through June 4. It is supported by the National Fish and Wildlife Foundation, a nonprofit organization that was created to help conserve and manage fish, wildlife and plant resources and their habitats.
An angler who lands a tagged fish will be directed to call a special telephone number and find out whether it's Big Jake.
Big E note to Stump's Fishermen!!
USA - Tuesday, May 07, 2002 at 10:38:55 (PDT)
(For all those sheep lovin' guys at Stumptown...)
LAKE ELMO: Sheep and Wool Festival
Published May 5, 2002
The 5th annual Shepherd's Harvest Sheep and Wool Festival will feature just about everything related to sheep.
You can watch demonstrations of sheep shearing, and herding by border collies. There'll be demonstrations and classes for such things as spinning, felting, knitting and natural dyeing.
Visitors can also visit an authentic Mongolian yurt -- a circular tent made from felt.
The festival is 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Saturday and 10 a.m.-4 p.m. next Sunday. Washington County Fairgrounds, 12300 N. 40th St., Lake Elmo. It's free. 651-459-8554.
SNN News Report
StumpTown, CA USA - Monday, May 06, 2002 at 10:04:08 (PDT)
Jessica Ariel Bakker was born January last year. Moments after she got in the room after delivery, I held her up (within 10 inches-that is as far as they can see...) to the TV in the hospital so she could take a view of the Vikes stomping the Saints. She now, and for the rest of her life can truthfully say "I have been a Vikings fan since the day I was born!"
On last Thursday, April 18th, Jessica was in her stroller while Mom was cleaning her office. Jessica started getting a little jumpy so Mom swept the floor and set her down for a moment to finish up. She then lost her balance sitting on a stool and fell over, as 14 month olds do. Mom picked her up to calm her down and was terrified to see a 16 penny nail sticking out of her head! An ambulance screamed her to Santa Rosa Memorial and she was then immediately helicopter to Oakland Children's Hospital for an emergency removal operation. Being a true blood Viking, she laughed and pushed buttons in the copter all the way there as if no big deal. The Oakland Children's Hospitals doctors really were amazing and promptly removed the nail which was embedded 2 1/2 inches into her head. Miraculously, she has absolutely no damage what-so-ever and is happily at home waiting for the upcoming Vikings season with nothing but a few stitches!
14 months after she was born and watched the Vices in the hospital, she sat Saturday in yet another and gave the 'Touchdown' sign as we cheered when the Vices drafted Bryant McKinney. Now that's a real fan!
Eric, Carla and Jessica Bakker live in Monte Rio, California. All three, paint and dress for every game.
The biggest lil Vikes Fan's dad
USA - Thursday, April 25, 2002 at 12:47:42 (PDT)
SNN News Report
Robbers held after dramatic chase through Poland
April 3, 2002 Posted: 10:30 AM EST (1530 GMT) by Uncle Big Ol’ E
KIEV, Ukraine -- A high-speed police chase across three countries has ended with the capture of a gang of bank robbers and the release of their two women hostages.
Ukrainian police arrested the three gunmen who had robbed a bank in Germany of $174,000 and taken two bank workers hostage after a two-day 150 kph police chase.
The silver getaway car was tracked by convoys of police cars and helicopters over more than 1,000 kilometres (620 miles) through Germany, Poland and Ukraine.
The robbers traveled across Germany, all of Poland and into Ukraine before they were stopped.
Polish Interior Minister Krysztof Janik, said on the national Polish Radio (that reaches only seven listeners because they only have 7 cans and 40 yrds of string) said that Poland had allowed the robbers to pass undisturbed because “Our officers are highly skilled in turning on and off their patrol cars, but are not yet very proficient in directing them forward or stopping them after putting them in gear.”
Two of the women later escaped during a refueling stop near the southeastern Polish city of Lublin, when the robbers pulled over at a gas station only to discover that “In Poland we don’t have GAS at gas stations…God they are dumb.” Polish police said.
"We could have stopped them many times after they ran out of gas and were pushing their car, but the question is at what price," Janik said in the radio interview. It was later explained to the Minister that Poland that general procedure in other countries is to arrest dangerous criminals and that Poland would not have actually had to pay the robbers after they might have stopped them. “Oh…well. That’s different.” Replied Krystof
He said shooting at a car driving would have been "unacceptable", because there are many complex dynamics to pointing a gun in the correct direction one wishes to fire.
On Tuesday, the masked men robbed a bank in the northwestern German town of Uelzen and took two employees of the Sparkasse Bank hostage after forcing the bank manager to hand over money.
Describing the escape in Poland of two of the hostages, A Polish eyewitness told Radio Zhit: "Uh…what?” She is clearly the sharpest witness to the escape and later added the valuable addition to her account by relating “Huh?”
The raiders had escaped after holding a gun to the head of one of three hostages they had earlier seized in the bank. The third hostage, the head of the bank branch, was released unharmed.
Worldwide reoprtin' E
USA - Wednesday, April 03, 2002 at 14:57:43 (PST)
Nude gardener's conviction overturned(unedited by Big E, too funny as it is……)
Associated Press
Published Mar 26, 2002HARRISBURG, Pa. -- Pennsylvania's indecent exposure law apparently doesn't cover nude gardeners.A three-judge panel of the state Superior Court has thrown out a central Pennsylvania man's indecent exposure conviction stemming from his penchant for doing yard work in the buff.Charles Stitzer, 63, was charged with indecent exposure and disorderly conduct in September 2000 for wearing only shoes and a watch while gardening in his back yard in Pleasant Gap on a summer night.Stitzer, a retired mechanical draftsman, said he often shed clothes to do yard work and beat the summer heat in the town of 1,700 about eight miles north of State College.A neighbor, Pam Watkins, and her 15-year-old daughter reported him to police when they saw him gardening without clothes. Stitzer said he wanted to persuade Watkins to dim her outdoor floodlights that shone on his property.Stitzer was sentenced to two years of probation on the charges.The Superior Court last week ruled that Stitzer's situation wasn't covered by the state's indecent exposure law because his backyard is private and his offended neighbor lived too far away, 65 yards.Horror story of maggots born in patients' noses at Kansas City hospital
Associated Press
KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- Maggots were born in the noses of two comatose patients four years ago at a city Veteran's Administration hospital infested by mice and flies, according to a medical journal report released Monday.
The story in the Archives of Internal Medicine details the 1998 infestation. It said mice would sometimes dash over the feet of employees in the hospital director's suite.
Hospital officials said “Geezuz cripes! The flippin’ people are brain dead. It’s not like it can bother 'em any!” Barbara Shatto, the hospital's quality manager, said the hospital scored 99 out of 100 when it was inspected by the Joint Commission on Accreditation of Hospital Organizations in October and that the mice and maggots accounted for the missing point.
``We learned from that incident and took action to make sure it doesn't happen again,'' said Pat Landon, the hospital's director of facilities “next time we are getting that damn 100 score!”.
Electronic fly-control devices were promptly installed, and pest-control workers began using live traps for the mice. “Those lil’ dirty bastards kept me from getting’ me bonus”. Said Ringo the janitor “I’ve gotten’ me bonus every quarter for almost a year, since I was almost sacked for crankin’ me todger in a como’s ear, but I stopped all that and got me a blow up fer me after hours, I promise.”
Maggots were found in the nostrils of one patient on July 22, 1998, the article said. Maggots were found in the nose of a second patient on Sept. 30, 1998. Klotz said the maggots were removed immediately and that neither patient was harmed by the infestation. The first patient died two days after the maggots were found but the cause of death was unrelated he apparently died by severe ear infection from a sticky white substance yet unidentifed.
Klotz said he found a few other cases where flies laid eggs in patients at other hospitals and “neeener neener neener”.
SNNews Network Returns
Worldwide baby!, USA - Tuesday, March 26, 2002 at 14:50:39 (PST)
DON'T GO BEATIN' AN UGANDAN WOMAN OR BE PREPARED TO SUFFER PAL!
KAMPALA, Uganda -- A Ugandan woman bit off her husband's penis and testicles during an argument, police said on Wednesday.
The satisfied woman, Annet Minduru, 30, was in police custody in the capital Kampala and could be charged with causing grievous bodily harm, "She sure has BALLS!" said the officer in charge of the station, Vigilius Okuni "The GRIEVOUS bodily harm charge will be determined after we have had a chance to WEIGH all the EVIDENCE".
The case come on the heels of a survey showing LENGTHY levels of domestic violence and an apparent mad rush of nut consumption in some parts of Uganda.
The independent Monitor newspaper said Minduru had bitten off (more than she could chew...)John Ndekeezi's penis and testicles on Sunday night after her dumb ass 45-year-old husband slapped her like the low down snake he is...er... WAS...
"She is really NUTS" Said the hubby in his best Mike Tyson voice "It was only because I was so drunk she overpowered me and by the time my neighbour came to my rescue after hearing my bitch-like screams, she had bitten off both my testicles and the penis," Ndekeezi whined to the reporter.
Minduru's account of events was not immediately available as she was having her stomach pumped for the evidence.
The attack came only days after a man died in central Uganda after his wife, angered by his inability to provide for her and his two children, cut off his testicles.
Nutty.
On-The-Spot-Cub-Reporter Ol' E
USA - Wednesday, March 20, 2002 at 10:45:00 (PST)
To my Stumptown Family,
Sippin' pints without ya'll just isn't the same. See you in the Spring!
Peace,
Aimee
(aka the shaved red-head grrl that moved to Oregon)
Aimee
Portland, OR USA - Tuesday, March 19, 2002 at 14:15:40 (PST)
Ol' Peter Hackett decided to go out golfing with his buddies one afternoon. They all piled in the bus and drove over to Oakmont golf course. The game was going along pretty well and they got to hole #4. Peter teed his ball up and noticed a large bank of trees off to his right. Sure enough, he blasted the ball off the tee, but it went way up and over the trees out of sight. He dropped a ball and took the stroke and just went on. A while later a cop comes walking up the fairway and says " Hey, is this your ball?" to which Peter replied "Yeah mate, it looks like it." The cop says "Well, this ball came over that bank of trees on #4 busted through a plate glass window then hit the family cat who went sceaming out of the front door, ran under a school bus coming down the road causing it to crash into a telephone pole and explode killing everyone inside." and Peter said "My God! What can I do!?" To which the cop replied "You can start by keeping your left arm straighter and beginning your downswing with the hips.."
The Stumptown Golf Club
USA - Monday, March 18, 2002 at 08:45:25 (PST)
Posted at a local golf club...
1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please... while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes.
Very good. Now, flush the urinal, wash hands, go outside, and tee off.
The Stumptown Golf Club
USA - Monday, March 11, 2002 at 10:10:51 (PST)
Does 30 Years Make A Difference?
1972: Long hair
2002: Longing for hair
1972: The perfect high
2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1972: KEG
2002: EKG
1972: Acid rock
2002: Acid reflux (The Gerd!)
1972: Moving to California because it's cool
2002: Moving to California because it's warm
1972: Growing pot
2002: Growing pot belly
1972: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1972: Seeds and stems
2002: Roughage
1972: Popping pills, smoking joints
2002: Popping joints
1972: Killer weed
2002: Weed killer
1972: Hoping for a BMW
2002: Hoping for a BM
1972: The Grateful Dead
2002: Dr. Kevorkian
1972: Rolling Stones
2002: Kidney Stones
1972: Being called into the principal's office
2002: Calling the principal's office
1972: Disco
2002: Costco
1972: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2002: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1972: Whatever
2002: Depends
Not quite this friggin' Ol' E
Northwood, USA - Monday, March 11, 2002 at 08:49:35 (PST)
Stumbled across you page via, I believe, google. Cool Stuff! "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction." E. F. Schumacher http://www.a-home-equity-loan.com.
Dean
San Francisco, CA USA - Tuesday, February 19, 2002 at 22:15:59 (PST)
"Where there is Marriage without Love, there will be Love without Marriage." -Benjamin Franklin http://www.home-equity-loans-debt-consolidation.net.
Dean Berkely
San Francisco, CA USA - Tuesday, February 19, 2002 at 13:27:35 (PST)
"Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy." The Eagles. My favorite quote. http://www.spiderpatch.com.
Jennifer Toey
San Francisco, CA USA - Sunday, February 10, 2002 at 10:18:34 (PST)
"Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy." The Eagles. My favorite quote. http://www.spiderpatch.com.
Jennifer Toey
San Francisco, CA USA - Sunday, February 10, 2002 at 03:21:24 (PST)
BULLETIN:
This is something your patrons should be made aware of:
CHICAGO, Dec. 5...(URP) - City Police authorities are warning all male clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to
keep alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is being used by females to target unsuspecting men.
The drug is generally found in liquid form, and is now available almost anywhere.
"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to convince their male victims to go home and have sex with them.
Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for
no-strings-attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach: After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on
horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be
attracted.
Men often awaken after being given "beer" with only hazy memories of exactly what has happened to them the night before, just a
vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are stung for their life's worth in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." Apparently men are
easier victims for this scam after "beer" is administered and have previously been sexually approached.
Authorities ask that you forward this warning to every male you know.
However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with
venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly
affected, like-minded men.
For the nearest such support group near you, just look up
"Golf Courses" in the Yellow Pages
Concerned
Sonoma County, CA USA - Wednesday, January 16, 2002 at 13:10:29 (PST)
A Happy New Year to You Peter .
All the best Fritz
Fritz
USA - Wednesday, January 02, 2002 at 19:19:23 (PST)
MERRY FRIGGIN' CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL!
Big Ol' Saint E
USA - Thursday, December 20, 2001 at 13:17:04 (PST)
USING 2 COWS TO EXPLAIN POLITICS & ECONOMICS...........
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. Then you covet it.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his.
A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people
you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage which ultimately blows up the cows.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts that you have reduced your expenses. Your stock goes up.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5 year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others. If they give milk, you tell no one.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows. You expropriate them. The American corporation goes Chapter 11.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
Big ol' Cow lovin' E
USA - Tuesday, December 11, 2001 at 12:37:44 (PST)
What's the major malfunction with this Beer Bitch person? I would venture to think someone stuffed her with the ol' Vegimite sandwich....
Kookila from Nido
USA - Monday, November 26, 2001 at 12:34:27 (PST)
What I meant say was thgat some things aren't WORTH fighting for.
BEERBITCH
USA - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 08:56:59 (PST)
Stumptown News Network- S.N.N. Exclusive
Latest developments
• The French Defense Ministry announced on Friday it is sending a first contingent of stinky troops as part of the international aid effort in Afghanistan. Officials said 60 smelly French soldiers were to leave the Istres air base for Uzbekistan on Friday morning. The Istres airbase, renown for it’s residents bad breath, poor personal hygiene and general snotty dispositions said it was happy to be rid of the 60 departing soldiers as it would leave everyone else in the airbase more places to ‘Oui, oui…’
• Pakistan is really beefing up security forces at its border with Afghanistan as the Taliban regime continues to lose ground to opposition forces. Pakistan was reported as saying they were sparing no expense, adding 7 new wrist rockets and a billboard with a naked picture of Roseanne Barr on it.
• In Tokyo, the Japanese government is expected to formally approve Friday a plan to give logistical support for the U.S.-led war on terrorism. President Bush stated that this was sure to be a ton of help, as all of us know how much logic there is to Godzilla, rampant gonorrhea and foot binding.
• Pentagon officials now say some al Qaeda leaders were killed in U.S. airstrikes this week. A Pentagon spokeswoman said she would not characterize them as "senior" leaders, was not really sure they were “people”, had no idea of “the facts” and asked to please be excused so she could go take “a crap”.
• Eight C-130 aircraft carrying 160 U.S. and British troops landed Thursday at an airfield outside Kabul. They met no resistance from the Taliban but we overheard fiercely arguing on whether a cookie was really a biscuit. (Full story)
• The White House on Thursday will endorse a $3.25 billion bill to beef up the nation's ability to respond to and detect biological and chemical weapons attacks. Senior administration and congressional sources told SNN, they can’t figure out why it would cost $3.25 Billion to tell people “Stop breathing and fuckin’ run, but it was understandable coming from the same government that charges it’s people $85 for a pencil.” (Full story)
• The BBC reported that Taliban supreme leader Mullah Omar is speaking of a plan in the works to destroy the United States. "The current situation in Afghanistan is related to a bigger cause -- that is the destruction of America," Omar said. "If God's help is with us this will happen within a short period of time and if not, hey, we got a whole bunch of crackers and peanut butter for free."
• Coalition intelligence agencies say they have discovered sophisticated laboratory equipment, including really cool beakers, test tubes, a ‘Pong’ video game and a ‘clapper’. Along with the lab equipment a bioterrorism manual was discovered detailing such activities as pouring Tabasco into Ketchup bottles, loosening the top on the salt shaker and pissing in another kid’s apple juice. (Full story)
• News services are reporting that Osama bin Laden has been captured by U.S.Special Forces. In a covert operation, the entire state of Afghanistan was sprayed with Viagra and the little prick popped right up.
Big ol’ (on the scene) E and Ford
USA - Friday, November 16, 2001 at 10:27:02 (PST)
ENN Special Report
Latest developments
10/24/01
* U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell said Wednesday that although he hopes
the U.S. military campaign against Osama bin Laden and the Taliban will be
accomplished in the next few days, he could give a fuck about the Islamic
holy month of Ramadan or winter. "America ain't full of pussies, homeboy!"
Powell was quoted as saying continuing by relating "Gimmie a 40, a bitch wit
a big ass to come home to and I'll go!"
( Full story )
* U.S. Army Gen. Tommy R. Franks, commander in chief of the U.S. Central
Command, told reporters in Bahrain on Wednesday that the United States is
being "absolutely open and honest" about casualties caused by American
forces and that the Taliban are the ones doing all the bombing and killing
themselves just to make America look guilty. Asked how long the military
operation would last, he deferred to President Bush's remarks about solving
the global terrorism problem. "He said, 'We'll be at it for as long as it
takes,' and we love walkin' miles to smoke camels."
* FBI director Robert Mueller told U.S. mayors Wednesday that more than
7,000 FBI personnel are screwing off and getting drunk on a new beer called
'Rat Bastard' distributed at some seedy little bar on the Russian River in
Northern California instead of working in what he called the largest and
most comprehensive investigation in the agency's history. But he said
prevention of more terror attacks is the FBI's overriding priority and they
are not doing a Goddamn thing about that.
* The U.S. State Department has updated its worldwide caution, issued after
the military campaign against Afghanistan began, to reflect the risk of
'little mushmouthed skinny bearded guys wearing a towel on their head' and
spouting religious convictions arrived at by masturbating on the Koran.
"Reports of and confirmed cases of these asswipes has caused an increase in
flatulence, all night partying and the use of the phrase "Kick their
friggin' asses!", " the warning said.
* Residents of the village of Chowker Korez told CNN Wednesday that it took
a great deal of damage in a U.S.-led attack on the village, 62 miles
northwest of Kandahar. The claims could not be independently confirmed. A
CNN Afghan crew went to the village and said it was 'just a bunch of rocks'
and pretty much looked like everywhere else in Afghanistan, so what. A
Pentagon spokeswoman said she had no information or knowledge concerning
such an incident or anything else but was really happy to have a job being a
'Pentagon spokesperson'.
( Full Story )
ENN Special Report
Latest developments
* A conference of anti-Taliban Afghan leaders from both inside and outside
of Afghanistan has endorsed a plan for the future of the nation, including a
swimming pool, a McDonalds and a carwash.
( Full Story )
* Navy Rear Adm. John Stufflebeem said Wednesday any Taliban claims that the
United States would poison food intended for Afghan civilians are
"categorically false." He said the United States 'accidentally' pissed on
all those crackers and peanut butter prior to sending them over, but that
just because they smelled bad didn't mean they were no longer just as
nutritious.
Big Ol' Up to the minute E
USA - Wednesday, November 07, 2001 at 12:24:11 (PST)
This guy walks into Stumptown and tells Chris who is the bartender to line up 10 glasses and start filling them up with Rat Bastard. So the bartender starts filling the glasses up with beer, and the man is right behind him drinking t